FOLLOWING THE SALTMEN

Saturday’s home game against Clanfield 85 will be the first meeting of the two clubs. In order that we may appear to be knowledgable hosts I have undertaken enquiries about Clanfield and am pleased to share the following information.

Clanfield is a village in Oxfordshire with two pubs (The Plough and the imaginatively titled Clanfield Tavern); a Post Office and a general store – though how many Generals they sell per anum is not disclosed.

According to the 2011 census, Clanfield has a population of 879. I must admit that I had expected it to have a larger population as 879 is little bit on the low side to make up 85 plus football teams. It could reasonably support one or two teams but 85 is a lot. It would also need a lot of space. A club with an 85th team would require at least 43 pitches if half the teams played at home on a Saturday afternoon.

My incisive investigative instinct told me something did not seem right. Clanfield 85 are a good side, with real potential for promotion. They score a lot of goals and concede very few. In fact, according to @nonleaguehq1, Clanfield 85 is one of only six Step 6 teams with at least 3 clean sheets in the league, this season. In their 7 league games to date, they have scored 21 goals and conceded just 5. So, if their 85th team are that good, how good are their first team and why hadn’t I heard of them?

Now that I have done some research I can reveal that the “85” in Clanfield 85 does not mean they are the 84th level of reserve team. The interweb reveals that this refers to the club’s restructuring after relegation from the Hellenic Premier Division in season 1984 to 1985. The club was initially formed in 1890 and have been in the Hellenic League since Noah was a lad, spending a significant proportion of that time in the Premier division.

Clanfield’s nickname is the Robins which may explain why (according to Wiki) they play in Arsenal shirts.

Due to the colour clash I expect we may see them in their change kit which, again according to Wiki, is pale blue and white stripes (think Coventry City in 1987….. or Argentina).

I say this every week (but this time I mean it) this will be a tough game for the Saltmen. Clanfield’s goalscoring and miserly defence amount to a big obstacle to overcome. Fortunately, we shouldn’t have to contend with the 84 other teams from the village.

I hope this piece has proved useful, especially the bit about the pubs (for the return fixture). If you need to know anything else, you can ask them yourselves as they will be at Kingys tomorrow, kick off 3.00 pm.

See you at the game.

Cheers

Steve